Keep Going

For years now I have been living an unhealthy life with unhealthy habits. I have succored myself with being able to say, "every one around me is living this way and they aren't sick." The problem with that is that now I am sick. My body has had a very rough three years. It has been so bad that every time I would get a small virus, I would have it for six weeks or more and would end up with bronchitis and pneumonia. Every day I simply hurt from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I was tired, discouraged, and somewhat depressed.
During this last pregnancy I was determined to be more healthy. Never did I realize where that determination would take me. It started with eating smaller meals every couple of hours. Then, it transformed into eating a lot of vegetarian meals. Next, whole grains only, Baby! On and on it went as I began to explore what health really meant to me.
At the end of my pregnancy, I began to have some strange symptoms that were closely related to having almost constant anaphylactic shock. What was I allergic to? Who knows, but out went the chemical scents, chemical based cleaners, and anything else toxic that could be picked up and moved. That helped. Organic food came next and that also helped somewhat. I was to a point that my body would not handle anything with any toxins in it whatsoever!!!
After several months of eating organic foods and eliminating chemicals from our life, I was finally able to make it through the day without taking antihistamines, but I didn't feel better. Next it was on to eliminating things to see what made me feel bad. Dairy, Legumes, Wheat, etc... were eliminated one at a time.
Each time I made a change, I felt a little better, but there has been no break through. There has not been one single time where I've been able to say, "That was it! That is what's causing me to feel poorly." Instead, with every step, there's only been a small, little change. It's been, "One step forward and two (or more) steps back," as my wonderful midwife has so often reminded me.
There are days when I look on this journey of healing as a very encouraging and strengthening journey. There are times when I simply see it with discouragement and weakness. I see that I have done so much work for so little change. Sometimes, I just want this journey to be over so that I can move on to other things. Is it really even working? Is anything happening?
For the past two weeks, I have awaken Monday morning with a sudden bout of sickness. The next day, I was feeling much better! No more six week common colds! Something is happening and slowly but surely I am healing. It has taken me years to get my body to the unhealthy state that it is in right now. I believe that it will be at least a couple of years before I can feel all the way better, but the work is so worth it!
As I was writing this post, I started to think about the people all around me who are healing, some from emotional pain, others from health related issues. I hope that this blog post is encouraging to you to keep on. It will be hard. It will get discouraging. You will want to quit, but it is so worth it. Keep going! There won't always be a break through, but one day you'll be able to look back and see how far you've come!

A New, Fresh Morning

As I woke this morning and began trying to plan for the day, a thought came to me: "Goals are great, but I really have no clue what the day will hold today." My list of things to get done today is so long that I wouldn't be able to accomplish it in a week even if I didn't have a 1 month old who is exclusively breastfed and doesn't like me to be out of his sight as well as a 2 and 4 year old who are currently in "destructo" mode. The house is a mess, groceries are calling to be put away, food needs prepared, gardens weeded, laundry piling up, and children need attention, love and direction. All of this calls to me every moment of the day and screams for my constant attention. Where should I start and which path should I pick to walk down today? I am feeling overwhelmed!
This week I've been hearing a lot about how stressful life seems to be. As a homemaker, wife and mother I feel like I have more than my share of stress to get me through each day. Trying to keep up with housework, boys and having some semblance of a relationship with my husband often takes every ounce of energy out of me... and that's before breakfast! (smiling) How do we make it?
As I started my day today, the familiar voices of uncertainty and self-criticism began to flood my thoughts. "You'll never get it under control, why even try!" "Why is life so overwhelming for me? What's wrong with me?" "Why don't I get help?" "Why can't I keep up with my kids," ETC... What is it about doing the best job in the world... the thing I love doing the most that is so hard every day? Why does every day seem to be a battle that I'm tired of fighting?
There are so many remedies out there for "streamlining" things and making our homes "effective." There are so many rules, objectives and expectations that sometimes we feel like we're drowning! It's time for it to stop! It's time for us to realize that running and organizing our homes is nothing like a project deadline. It is not something that we accomplish or fail at. It is a way that we live. It is something we DO every day! It is a process and a joy like no other. If I can not relax or enjoy life in my home at least some each day, where else can I enjoy life?
There is no secret or special answer to this seeming dilema, but for me it seems to lie in the area of attitudes and habits. This is what this blog is all about! I would like to share my journey, no, my adventure as a mother complete with the good days and the bad. I'd like to share my efforts to seek the Lord and get His wisdom for each day and His insight into which pursuits I need to make to keep my "workplace" running at an even keel. I would like to share my joys about being a mother as well as my miserable failures. I know that this blog is not the answer to YOUR dilema, or even inspiration for your adventure, but I hope that by reading it, you'll gain insight, perspective and maybe an occasional recipe or two (wink)!
I sure hope you all enjoy!